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Pineapple home brew beer kit - includes ingredients and recipe

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What you get :

1 x brewing bucket with tap and filtration pipe 

1 x funnel to fill bottles easily

10 x 2 litre bottles

1 x 2kg brown sugar

3 x packets of bakers yeast

1 x fist of ginger

4 x apples

10 x bottle caps

1 x brewing recipe

Easy do it yourself home brewing kit. Makes 15 - 18 litres. Depending how strong you want it. The more water you add the more diluted the flavours. 

How to make pineapple beer during lock down?

Ingredients
2 x pineapples
4 x apples
1 x fist of ginger
3 x packets of instant dry baker’s yeast
1 x 2kg brown sugar
2 x Rooibos tea bags
Equipment
1 x Large pot
1 x 20 litre brewing container

A satirical take on the masters brew recipe

Step 1. Why brew pineapple beer?

To ascertain the reason for brewing pineapple beer simply venture into your brain and see that you cannot actually enjoy the company of others beyond the tick tock of the dinner bell. This acquired during the 4th boring dinner invite and you have no booze to take the edge off. Unlike that imbecile Steve who is raging on enjoying the seventh glass of red wine from his cellar. Sitting around discussing the objective delay in the rationality of the government's latest decisions. All this whilst eating Margaret’s inedible mash that she cannot seem to shut up about. Trying to remove a miniscule piece of potato from that one back tooth which seems to try save your soul in lockdown conditions by hoarding food for the apocalypse. Listening to the story of why Mary whom has yet to agree with the common denominator factual evidence of her last several divorces at a dinner you are not supposed to be attending. Due to the unfortunate RSVP made whilst drunk pre curfew/lockdown. This debacle is hardly as entertaining as it was pre lockdown with several shots of tequila under the belt. Back when you could make jokes rendering Modern Family and Fawlty Towers the new normal.

Step 2. Securing Pineapples

Wash your hands for 40 seconds as you reluctantly allow yourself to the scourge of hygiene and head to the local supermarket to buy 2 x heavily overpriced pineapples. Taking note that pineapples have never hit such high prices since they discovered Bromelain. Abject oneself to standing in a quarantine line, make sure you do not stick one overgrown toenail over the stickers marked out on tar that have recently been subjected to the sweet lovemaking of a few drug induced parking guards. Heaven forbid you break the line held by the hygienic sanctuary of social distancing. Arrival at the shops entrance door whilst your sunglasses have steamed up by refusing to remove them due to a mundane need to be the new stubborn normal. Only to be forced to take them off for a temperature head scan. Funny that standing in the sun outside has peaked your temperature add to this your fear of being rejected at the entrance. By now the stress has fashioned a new crows foot on the side of the eye. Inducing a potentially long lasting twitch in your left leg. Making it verily impossible to beat the hordes to a few simple pineapples. Hold back on the trolley initially due to safety reasons. Only to realize that juggling 6 pineapples and several packets of sugar whilst attempting to look good in some new fashioned pineapple gin blossoms you hope to achieve soon is hardly fair. Retreat, suck it in and slowly use the sanitizer to remove the ever present enemy from your trolley handles. Buy way more pineapples then needed in this recipe from fear they will run out. About the amount required by a small tropical island hotel buffet breakfast. Just to satisfy the fear induced by the latest end of world American idiotic documentary you saw last night. Which was entirely unbridled by the lack of a beer buzz fortitude. So the fact that burying 14000 heirloom vegetable seeds under 7m of snow marked for retrieval through a zeitgeist astrological map made sense for a change. Get pineapples and get the hell out of there. Choose the slightly more yellow, already softened variety heading towards the old age home for fruit mishandled by several upset packing clerks. Slightly tender and juicier the better. Soft and ripe like the arms of a heroin addict will suffice.

Step 3. Get the rest of the ingredients

Realizing the traumatic experience of buying a few pineapples left a precursor memory of you desiring to act in the next Trainspotting movie. This thought along with the mad panic made you completely forget the rest of the ingredients. Head back to the store 5 minutes later cursing rationally behind your mask getting back in line. Watching a few rude hippies in the line ahead turning away and giggling at elderly folk dressed in fashionable pyjamas standing behind social distancing floor stickers. Buy 3 x sachets of regular yeast, 2kg of brown sugar, a bag of apples, rooibos tea, and a fist of ginger. Yes a darned fist of ginger. The bigger your fist the more ginger you need so don’t get pedantic.

Step 4. Return home laughing at people while driving who are wearing masks in closed vehicles

Unload the vehicle and remiss for several seconds of bliss before you realise that your lockdown pay cut doesn’t allow for champagne showers or even a bath of milk. Forget the days of an empty salty crack snack it’s time for stale bread with old marmite. Unpack your reusable shopping bags that smell like a fresh camembert cheese from their many previously spilled occupants. Lay everything out on the already half wiped table only to realise that an angry little dwarf you live with made a "special mix" of soil, play dough, Lego and a dismembered teddy earlier. While you were trying to act professional by turning a blind eye due to bad parenting and school closures desperately trying to keep your job. When you were writing that late, urgently needed work report. Remove all items, curse the dismembered teddy bear clean the table properly remember we are scientists now. Scientists, master brewers, legends in our own time, creators from vast universes with years of practice, skill and desperation.

Step 5. Who has a 16 litre pot?

Find the biggest pot in your inventory, realising you normally only cook for people and not giants. Consider borrowing a larger pot from your neighbour that does church fundraisers, slowly but surely allow that thought to drift off into darkness. Return to the cupboard and dig deep as the biggest pots are kept deep behind the well-used human sized pots. Heat up as much water as possible. Finely chop the pineapple, remind yourself that you will learn to sharpen knives and buy a knife sharpener tomorrow. Chop 6 apples into the size of master chef onion slices. Have a flashback that Jack on season 4 could do it but he had the lack of appeal for fame anyway. Don’t peel anything for a change, what a relief! Chuck all the disembowelled fruit 2 x pineapple, 4 x apple, and 1 x fist of ginger into said big pot. Add 2kg of sugar. Stand back and admire your work. Seductively selecting your largest wooden spoon, grip and stir until all the sugar has dissolved making sure not to boil as you watch the 5th episode the tiger king explicitly explain his innocence. Only cos your mates have mentioned it 4 times and you still think it’s a shoddy mess but don’t want to be left out.

Step 6. Prepping the yeast

Allow your beautiful menagerie to slowly cool off. Surely it didn’t boil when you got fascinated and side-tracked by the idea that cigarettes were legal again. Allowing the heat to kill the essential sugars which would ruin the brew altogether. It must have just been the vigorous stirring that created those bubbles. Yip, all is well. This is the time to make your yeast. In a separate bowl take 3 x packets of regular yeast add to warm water. Who has the time to plan ahead and buy brewer’s yeast online and argue with them because courier services are overwhelmed and they cannot deliver on schedule. The benefit is that your friend said the regular yeast cannot reach higher than 7% alcohol as the alcohol will kill the yeast cells off. About this time it's a good idea to have a fuming argument with your spouse about how the chlorine in tap water will kill the yeast and who puts down the toilet seat. This should give the yeast enough time to activate. It will become nice and frothy looking like the washed up sea foam after a storm in the big city.

Step 7. Finding a container

Thank yourself that you have a rather large container I use a cooler box now sanitized with some sort of germ killer like Milton because who has the time to buy specialised brewers Idophor. Toss the entire pot of contents into said cooler box/bucket/dedicated sink/hollowed out watermelons. Add enough luke warm water to make up 16 - 18 litres. Test by dipping in with the pointing finger you used earlier during the toilet seat argument which now sheepishly regret. Add the frothing sea foam yeast, fresh with the eminence of battle.
Step 8. Checking on your masterpiece
Wake up in the morning to the annoying sound of an alarm and swear to yourself again you will change that irritating jingle to forest sounds, tweeting birds and whale songs. Before waking the kids, making coffee or properly opening your eyes. Rush off to your new precious container to check for bubbles. Take a deep whiff, listen to the bubbles ear turned down. Feel gratified like a hero, part of world change. A fictitious character in revolution. Harry Potter has nothing on you. Scars and all. Carry on with mundane chores and society's requirements to create and income. Occasionally check if your brew is still bubbling. Have a taste test to see the progress like an impatient artist’s self-impression of their impunity. Nope it’s not ready yet. Give it 3 - 7 days depending on your patience, lack thereof, or the recipe followed. Taste testing all the way.

Step 9. Finding bottles

Realizing you forgot that once the vacuum of thought from all the extreme excitement of your new home brew has left the body. It needs to be bottled. A few good 2 litre plastic bottles previously containing fizzy drinks will be perfect. Revisit your dustbin before the refuse guys arrive in 8 minutes in front of your house and the neighbours judge you. Again. Hearing the beep, beep, beep a block away. Frantically remove a few bottles and scurry inside. Vigorously question family and friends for any bottles. Think of visiting your local wholesale plastic outlet but remind yourself that the burgeoning industry of plastic destroys the planet quicker than a falsetto bigot. Whilst knowing this is the only place to buy the correct sized funnel. Which is later needed to get product X into the tiny informal bottleneck. Gathering enough bottling arsenal from your ex step brothers Aunt. Whom accepted a stray cat you found in her driveway in exchange for her precious 8 year old plastic coke bottle collection.

Step 10. Finally bottling your brew

Slowly pour the precious golden delicious brew into cleansed, well washed, bottles. Leaving roughly 1/4 - 1/5th space at the top for the inevitable sweet sparkling bubbles to expand. So that the bottles do not explode. Find a decent warm spot for the brew to mature and the yeast to eat the sugar creating that precious alcohol. Not in the sun! But you already knew that after Tim your co-worker told you, when he couldn’t shut up about his Zoom meeting Tinder date. This is after he then explained that his female Tinder date turned out to be a guy asking to borrow money. Anyway he had some good tips about brewing let's keep trying Tim. Allow said bottles to get hard to touch like the euphoric recall of a lost lover.

Step 11. The good part

Make space in the fridge by removing several old Tupperware’s of rather fowl smelling leftovers. A tub of Feta cheese with one half block left from the 70’s and that weird seed bread you bought after watching a fitness meme. This is the part you have been waiting for. You don’t have to let it linger. Once it’s just cold enough, slowly pour the indulgent pineapple amber golden brew into a small glass just for testing. Test again and again. Enjoy. Wash, rinse and repeat.

 

Shipping
Small Items 5kg and under R75, Medium sized 5kg - 15kg R150, Large bulk orders 15kg and above R200. Shipping times 2 - 15 working days. There can on occasions be unforeseen courier delays. Please note : Some seeds can have a delay of up to 3 weeks. We rely on our suppliers for up to date stock lists. On rare occasion there can be stock lists provided that are inaccurate we will then gladly offer an alternative or better deal or your money back in full no questions asked. 

   

2 - 15 days delivery. We cannot be held responsible for courier delays. Some seeds can have a delay of up to 3 weeks. We buy in bulk and offer wholesale prices direct to the public to bring the best offers and the lowest prices. We rely on our suppliers for up to date stock lists. On rare occasion there can be stock lists provided that are inaccurate we will then gladly offer an alternative or better deal or your money back in full no questions asked.

Returns are easy, simply contact us for a returns number and send your item to our returns centre for fast processing. We'll get you a replacement or refund in a snap!

Here are 5 more great reasons to buy from us:

so
   

You get a full 15 days to return your item to us. If it is in original, unused condition send it back to us and we'll cheerfully refund you every cent.

Returns are easy, simply contact us for a returns number and send your item to our returns centre for fast processing. We'll get you a replacement or refund in a snap!

In the unlikely event that you find your item cheaper at another online store, just let us know and we'll do our best to beat the competitor's pricing hands-down.

We insist that you love everything you buy from us. If you're unhappy for any reason whatsoever, just let us know and we'll bend over backwards to make things right again.

Ordering from Seedleme is 100% safe and secure so you can rest easy. Your personal details are never shared, sold or rented to anyone either.

What you get :

1 x brewing bucket with tap and filtration pipe 

1 x funnel to fill bottles easily

10 x 2 litre bottles

1 x 2kg brown sugar

3 x packets of bakers yeast

1 x fist of ginger

4 x apples

10 x bottle caps

1 x brewing recipe

Easy do it yourself home brewing kit. Makes 15 - 18 litres. Depending how strong you want it. The more water you add the more diluted the flavours. 

How to make pineapple beer during lock down?

Ingredients
2 x pineapples
4 x apples
1 x fist of ginger
3 x packets of instant dry baker’s yeast
1 x 2kg brown sugar
2 x Rooibos tea bags
Equipment
1 x Large pot
1 x 20 litre brewing container

A satirical take on the masters brew recipe

Step 1. Why brew pineapple beer?

To ascertain the reason for brewing pineapple beer simply venture into your brain and see that you cannot actually enjoy the company of others beyond the tick tock of the dinner bell. This acquired during the 4th boring dinner invite and you have no booze to take the edge off. Unlike that imbecile Steve who is raging on enjoying the seventh glass of red wine from his cellar. Sitting around discussing the objective delay in the rationality of the government's latest decisions. All this whilst eating Margaret’s inedible mash that she cannot seem to shut up about. Trying to remove a miniscule piece of potato from that one back tooth which seems to try save your soul in lockdown conditions by hoarding food for the apocalypse. Listening to the story of why Mary whom has yet to agree with the common denominator factual evidence of her last several divorces at a dinner you are not supposed to be attending. Due to the unfortunate RSVP made whilst drunk pre curfew/lockdown. This debacle is hardly as entertaining as it was pre lockdown with several shots of tequila under the belt. Back when you could make jokes rendering Modern Family and Fawlty Towers the new normal.

Step 2. Securing Pineapples

Wash your hands for 40 seconds as you reluctantly allow yourself to the scourge of hygiene and head to the local supermarket to buy 2 x heavily overpriced pineapples. Taking note that pineapples have never hit such high prices since they discovered Bromelain. Abject oneself to standing in a quarantine line, make sure you do not stick one overgrown toenail over the stickers marked out on tar that have recently been subjected to the sweet lovemaking of a few drug induced parking guards. Heaven forbid you break the line held by the hygienic sanctuary of social distancing. Arrival at the shops entrance door whilst your sunglasses have steamed up by refusing to remove them due to a mundane need to be the new stubborn normal. Only to be forced to take them off for a temperature head scan. Funny that standing in the sun outside has peaked your temperature add to this your fear of being rejected at the entrance. By now the stress has fashioned a new crows foot on the side of the eye. Inducing a potentially long lasting twitch in your left leg. Making it verily impossible to beat the hordes to a few simple pineapples. Hold back on the trolley initially due to safety reasons. Only to realize that juggling 6 pineapples and several packets of sugar whilst attempting to look good in some new fashioned pineapple gin blossoms you hope to achieve soon is hardly fair. Retreat, suck it in and slowly use the sanitizer to remove the ever present enemy from your trolley handles. Buy way more pineapples then needed in this recipe from fear they will run out. About the amount required by a small tropical island hotel buffet breakfast. Just to satisfy the fear induced by the latest end of world American idiotic documentary you saw last night. Which was entirely unbridled by the lack of a beer buzz fortitude. So the fact that burying 14000 heirloom vegetable seeds under 7m of snow marked for retrieval through a zeitgeist astrological map made sense for a change. Get pineapples and get the hell out of there. Choose the slightly more yellow, already softened variety heading towards the old age home for fruit mishandled by several upset packing clerks. Slightly tender and juicier the better. Soft and ripe like the arms of a heroin addict will suffice.

Step 3. Get the rest of the ingredients

Realizing the traumatic experience of buying a few pineapples left a precursor memory of you desiring to act in the next Trainspotting movie. This thought along with the mad panic made you completely forget the rest of the ingredients. Head back to the store 5 minutes later cursing rationally behind your mask getting back in line. Watching a few rude hippies in the line ahead turning away and giggling at elderly folk dressed in fashionable pyjamas standing behind social distancing floor stickers. Buy 3 x sachets of regular yeast, 2kg of brown sugar, a bag of apples, rooibos tea, and a fist of ginger. Yes a darned fist of ginger. The bigger your fist the more ginger you need so don’t get pedantic.

Step 4. Return home laughing at people while driving who are wearing masks in closed vehicles

Unload the vehicle and remiss for several seconds of bliss before you realise that your lockdown pay cut doesn’t allow for champagne showers or even a bath of milk. Forget the days of an empty salty crack snack it’s time for stale bread with old marmite. Unpack your reusable shopping bags that smell like a fresh camembert cheese from their many previously spilled occupants. Lay everything out on the already half wiped table only to realise that an angry little dwarf you live with made a "special mix" of soil, play dough, Lego and a dismembered teddy earlier. While you were trying to act professional by turning a blind eye due to bad parenting and school closures desperately trying to keep your job. When you were writing that late, urgently needed work report. Remove all items, curse the dismembered teddy bear clean the table properly remember we are scientists now. Scientists, master brewers, legends in our own time, creators from vast universes with years of practice, skill and desperation.

Step 5. Who has a 16 litre pot?

Find the biggest pot in your inventory, realising you normally only cook for people and not giants. Consider borrowing a larger pot from your neighbour that does church fundraisers, slowly but surely allow that thought to drift off into darkness. Return to the cupboard and dig deep as the biggest pots are kept deep behind the well-used human sized pots. Heat up as much water as possible. Finely chop the pineapple, remind yourself that you will learn to sharpen knives and buy a knife sharpener tomorrow. Chop 6 apples into the size of master chef onion slices. Have a flashback that Jack on season 4 could do it but he had the lack of appeal for fame anyway. Don’t peel anything for a change, what a relief! Chuck all the disembowelled fruit 2 x pineapple, 4 x apple, and 1 x fist of ginger into said big pot. Add 2kg of sugar. Stand back and admire your work. Seductively selecting your largest wooden spoon, grip and stir until all the sugar has dissolved making sure not to boil as you watch the 5th episode the tiger king explicitly explain his innocence. Only cos your mates have mentioned it 4 times and you still think it’s a shoddy mess but don’t want to be left out.

Step 6. Prepping the yeast

Allow your beautiful menagerie to slowly cool off. Surely it didn’t boil when you got fascinated and side-tracked by the idea that cigarettes were legal again. Allowing the heat to kill the essential sugars which would ruin the brew altogether. It must have just been the vigorous stirring that created those bubbles. Yip, all is well. This is the time to make your yeast. In a separate bowl take 3 x packets of regular yeast add to warm water. Who has the time to plan ahead and buy brewer’s yeast online and argue with them because courier services are overwhelmed and they cannot deliver on schedule. The benefit is that your friend said the regular yeast cannot reach higher than 7% alcohol as the alcohol will kill the yeast cells off. About this time it's a good idea to have a fuming argument with your spouse about how the chlorine in tap water will kill the yeast and who puts down the toilet seat. This should give the yeast enough time to activate. It will become nice and frothy looking like the washed up sea foam after a storm in the big city.

Step 7. Finding a container

Thank yourself that you have a rather large container I use a cooler box now sanitized with some sort of germ killer like Milton because who has the time to buy specialised brewers Idophor. Toss the entire pot of contents into said cooler box/bucket/dedicated sink/hollowed out watermelons. Add enough luke warm water to make up 16 - 18 litres. Test by dipping in with the pointing finger you used earlier during the toilet seat argument which now sheepishly regret. Add the frothing sea foam yeast, fresh with the eminence of battle.
Step 8. Checking on your masterpiece
Wake up in the morning to the annoying sound of an alarm and swear to yourself again you will change that irritating jingle to forest sounds, tweeting birds and whale songs. Before waking the kids, making coffee or properly opening your eyes. Rush off to your new precious container to check for bubbles. Take a deep whiff, listen to the bubbles ear turned down. Feel gratified like a hero, part of world change. A fictitious character in revolution. Harry Potter has nothing on you. Scars and all. Carry on with mundane chores and society's requirements to create and income. Occasionally check if your brew is still bubbling. Have a taste test to see the progress like an impatient artist’s self-impression of their impunity. Nope it’s not ready yet. Give it 3 - 7 days depending on your patience, lack thereof, or the recipe followed. Taste testing all the way.

Step 9. Finding bottles

Realizing you forgot that once the vacuum of thought from all the extreme excitement of your new home brew has left the body. It needs to be bottled. A few good 2 litre plastic bottles previously containing fizzy drinks will be perfect. Revisit your dustbin before the refuse guys arrive in 8 minutes in front of your house and the neighbours judge you. Again. Hearing the beep, beep, beep a block away. Frantically remove a few bottles and scurry inside. Vigorously question family and friends for any bottles. Think of visiting your local wholesale plastic outlet but remind yourself that the burgeoning industry of plastic destroys the planet quicker than a falsetto bigot. Whilst knowing this is the only place to buy the correct sized funnel. Which is later needed to get product X into the tiny informal bottleneck. Gathering enough bottling arsenal from your ex step brothers Aunt. Whom accepted a stray cat you found in her driveway in exchange for her precious 8 year old plastic coke bottle collection.

Step 10. Finally bottling your brew

Slowly pour the precious golden delicious brew into cleansed, well washed, bottles. Leaving roughly 1/4 - 1/5th space at the top for the inevitable sweet sparkling bubbles to expand. So that the bottles do not explode. Find a decent warm spot for the brew to mature and the yeast to eat the sugar creating that precious alcohol. Not in the sun! But you already knew that after Tim your co-worker told you, when he couldn’t shut up about his Zoom meeting Tinder date. This is after he then explained that his female Tinder date turned out to be a guy asking to borrow money. Anyway he had some good tips about brewing let's keep trying Tim. Allow said bottles to get hard to touch like the euphoric recall of a lost lover.

Step 11. The good part

Make space in the fridge by removing several old Tupperware’s of rather fowl smelling leftovers. A tub of Feta cheese with one half block left from the 70’s and that weird seed bread you bought after watching a fitness meme. This is the part you have been waiting for. You don’t have to let it linger. Once it’s just cold enough, slowly pour the indulgent pineapple amber golden brew into a small glass just for testing. Test again and again. Enjoy. Wash, rinse and repeat.

 

Shipping
Small Items 5kg and under R75, Medium sized 5kg - 15kg R150, Large bulk orders 15kg and above R200. Shipping times 2 - 15 working days. There can on occasions be unforeseen courier delays. Please note : Some seeds can have a delay of up to 3 weeks. We rely on our suppliers for up to date stock lists. On rare occasion there can be stock lists provided that are inaccurate we will then gladly offer an alternative or better deal or your money back in full no questions asked. 

   

2 - 15 days delivery. We cannot be held responsible for courier delays. Some seeds can have a delay of up to 3 weeks. We buy in bulk and offer wholesale prices direct to the public to bring the best offers and the lowest prices. We rely on our suppliers for up to date stock lists. On rare occasion there can be stock lists provided that are inaccurate we will then gladly offer an alternative or better deal or your money back in full no questions asked.

Returns are easy, simply contact us for a returns number and send your item to our returns centre for fast processing. We'll get you a replacement or refund in a snap!

Here are 5 more great reasons to buy from us:

so
   

You get a full 15 days to return your item to us. If it is in original, unused condition send it back to us and we'll cheerfully refund you every cent.

Returns are easy, simply contact us for a returns number and send your item to our returns centre for fast processing. We'll get you a replacement or refund in a snap!

In the unlikely event that you find your item cheaper at another online store, just let us know and we'll do our best to beat the competitor's pricing hands-down.

We insist that you love everything you buy from us. If you're unhappy for any reason whatsoever, just let us know and we'll bend over backwards to make things right again.

Ordering from Seedleme is 100% safe and secure so you can rest easy. Your personal details are never shared, sold or rented to anyone either.

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